Boys and Girls Marriage Company

Mother Wearing A Dress to Match the Color Scheme?

April 2, 2009

The Wedding Lens Blog receives questions from our readers on a regular basis — including in our Wedding Questions forum. Usually I try to sum up the question in different words, but I think this question needs to be in its own words:

“I will be attending my step daughter’s wedding in 6 weeks & I have not been given any details of bridal colours, MOB & MOG have NOT yet decided what they are wearing hoping to find something off the rack. I found & bought a long simple blue gown & left a message for the bride if this was ok as time is running out & I did want the mothers to have first choice of colour & well I need to wear something! She never said no but she never said yes, apparently her bridal party will all be purachasing their own gowns? What should I do – stick to what I bought & wear it or am I suppose to wait until the day before the wedding when I finally get everyone’s colours & hope I find something? HELP!”

photo from The Wedding Lens (not the reader!)

In reading about the attire for the mother of the bride and mother of the groom, there are a few “rules” — all of which are subject to the personalities of the people getting married. In my humble opinion, I do not think it matters whether you’re the mom or the step-mom.

• Talk to the bride about whatever her expectations are.
• Do not dress more formally than the bridesmaids.
• Try not to clash with the color scheme; pick neutral colors. (You do get to pick your own color!)
• Do not wear white or ivory or black — unless the bride is OK with it!

So, in this situation where the reader tried to talk to the bride (and the wedding is only 6 weeks away!) I think she’s doing the best she can. Blue is the perfect color! Regardless of the color scheme that the bride eventually chooses (if she has one?) it is unlikely that blue will clash. It is also unlikely that blue will make the guest stand out — something else you want to avoid!

My only warning: if you hear from the bride and she nixes the dress, give her some slack for the late notice. I’m sure she’s stressed and would otherwise have been more gracious in her response time.

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Bridal Shower Gifts, Wedding Shower Gifts, Wedding Gifts

March 21, 2009

We recently received a question from a reader, asking if she needs to give BOTH a wedding shower gift and a wedding gift. While I completely understand why that can be confusing, the general etiquette is: yes. You’re supposed to give gifts for everything. Gets expensive, right?!

photo from The Wedding Lens

That said, if you are engaged and you have NOT planned to have a bridal shower or wedding shower or both, then etiquette dictates that you do not have to! In fact, as you may have gathered from my blog on alternatives to bridal showers, I think it’s only appropriate to have any of these showers if you are doing so to celebrate… and I think it’s important to emphasize to your guests that they are not obliged to give gifts. (Having been in the “broke” + “invited” category a number of times, I have a lot of sympathy for people who just don’t have the money to give gifts, but want to be there to celebrate with everyone!) But maybe that’s just me!

What do I give? For all three occasions — bridal shower, wedding shower, wedding — the gifts should be intended to help the couple start their lives together. The only big difference is that it is NOT appropriate to give cash for a bridal shower or wedding shower gift.

What about a theme? Bridal showers and wedding showers sometimes have themes to them. If they do, then the invitation will indicate this and should let you know if the gift should be along the theme’s lines.

Invitees? If you are the one planning the showers, then note that it is inappropriate and will offend guests if you invite them to the shower and not the wedding.

If you’re looking for other gift giving advice (like timing of when to send, how much to send, and what to do if you can’t attend), check out our blog on gift giving advice or what to do about wedding gifts. We also have blogs on best man gifts, gift ideas for the maid of honor, how to ask for gift cards or cash, or tips on the gift registry.

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Something blue….

March 2, 2009

A friend was trying to figure out what her “something blue” should be during her wedding. In light of that, I decided to come up with a list of things that you can do/wear/have that are blue — so you have your something blue!

photo from The Wedding Lens

One of my favorite ideas was something another friend did above: she wrote the date & her and the groom’s first initial on the bottom of her shoe. It was discreet, but it was there. And look how cute!

You can also accent your dress with blue shoes:

photo from Dannielle & Tim’s Real Wedding on The Knot

Or try wearing some kind of blue jewelry: earrings, a ring, or a bracelet like the one below.

photo from thechainmaillelady

Those are the easiest ways to incorporate blue into the wedding. What was your something blue?

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Thinking About Engagement Pictures

February 21, 2009

I was recently talking with some friends about their frustration with finding information on engagement pictures. They have a photographer and they know what kinds of photos they like, but they felt a little stumped about WHERE to take the photos. With that in mind, I thought I could provide a handy dandy list of different things to consider when you’re figuring out what to do with engagement photos.

Location

Urban vs. Nature: Do you like cities? Or trees & greenery? Or gardens?

Some photographers have great photos with an urban city setting; often the grungy parts of cities provide the most clever, beautiful backgrounds. Picture a couple posing next to a wall of graffiti. In black and white. Could be very cool, if that’s what you’re looking for!

Other photographers prefer the outdoorsy setting. A couple peeking their heads out from behind a tree. Cute, right?

If you like both of these ideas — or want the option of having both types of photos — I recommend going to an urban setting, near a park. Most cities, large or small, have some kind of a park and some kind of a downtown area. And usually they’re not too far apart, making it easy to go from one setting to another.

Studio Setting: Like a clean-cut photo? Want to be able to control the lighting and background? Or want to have access to props?

The studio setting might be a good option if you like to have more control over the photos. There are a lot of different poses you can do: romantic, traditional, creative — you name it!

A Place with Meaning

If you are completely at a loss about what you might be looking for, how about picking a location that has meaning to you, as a couple! Maybe a park where you once strolled together or the restaurant where you met. These are great ideas and, with the right photographer, you can get amazing photos!

Style

There are some photos that are very traditional: the couple in various locations, looking into each others’ eyes, smiling side by side, kissing, laughing. Of course, these can be as creative as you want.

Other photos are completely creative and show the couples’ personality. I really liked these photos because they’re creative AND I feel like I already have an idea about their personalities.

What to Wear, How to Look

I’m a big advocate that you should look how you look! Don’t dress differently because of this photo shoot; that’s not the point. That said, there are some great tips for photo shoots: wear colors that match the location (eg. beach should be tans and blues) and ladies might want to consider foundation (even if you dont usually wear it) because it will look better in the photo.

Sharing

You want to make sure that people get to see these photos, right? Consider putting them on your wedding website, including them in your Save the Date (or making a postcard with that photo as the postcard), or post them on The Wedding Lens so that your friends and family can see, download & print whichever photos they love.

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Rachel & Aaron’s Engagement Story

January 21, 2009

Rachel & Aaron got engaged in February… Here is their story! We hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

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How Long To Wear Your Ring? (aka when can I take off my ring?)

January 4, 2009

A friend recently asked when it’s appropriate for him to take off his wedding ring. I think this is a conversation that you should probably have with your significant other because it might matter to them. It is important that you respect your significant other’s wishes or at least engage in a dialogue.

photo from The Wedding Lens

Why do people take off their rings? So that they dont lose them and nothing happens to them.  Here are the times that are (for the most part) acceptable — if not safer — to take off your ring:

• shower!
• playing sports
• gym
• washing hands
• putting on lotion
• cooking/baking (especially when cooking with raw meat!)
• cleaning
• surgery

Some people like to take off their rings before bed and keep them  next to their bed — for safe keeping while sleeping. Others find that totally unacceptable.

Keep in mind that when you or your significant other take off your rings, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other. It means that you are worried about the ring getting lost or damaged. And if you’re concerned that it might mean anything other than that — speak to each other!

When do you take off your rings?

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How to Ask for Gift Cards or Money

December 21, 2008

As you may know, The Wedding Lens blog always accepts questions from our readers! Today’s blog addresses one of those questions: How do you politely ask your guests to give you gift cards or money instead of gifts?

I’d like to note that this may be a cultural issue. In Asian cultures, it is very common — and expected — that guests give money in lieu of gifts. So asking, in that case, would be a moot point.

There are a few ways that you can ask for gift cards or money. As you probably know, it is considered impolite to give your registry information with the invitation these days.  So — just think of how you would pass along that information. I have a few suggestions:

1) Tell your close family members and close friends (wedding party) your wishes and ask them to pass along the information. This allows you to feel less awkward and gets the information out there.

2) Put it on your wedding website. I have had a few friends write on their site (under a link to “gifts”) something to the effect:

“Your presence at our wedding is the best gift we could receive.  But if we’re honored with a gift from you, a monetary gift or a gift card would help us fill in the missing parts of our life together. If you prefer to give a gift, we have also registered at the following stores…”

Something to that effect lets your friends and family know your preference but doesn’t sound pushy at all.

3) Register with a bank. Some banks let you create a registry so that people can give directly to a “wedding fund” or something that you want. In this economy, I wouldn’t recommend that!

4) Register on the websites where you want the gift cards. Most stores let you register for gift cards… that will definitely make it clear to your guests.

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Alternatives to Traditional Bridal Showers

November 21, 2008

I’m going to go ahead and say this: I don’t understand the point of bridal showers. I just don’t. It seems to me that it involves silly games (that are insulting to our collective intelligence) and asking people for MORE presents (as if the wedding itself isn’t costly enough for guests).  I recognize that some people want an excuse to get girlfriends together to celebrate an engagement in a non-bachelorette-party-type-of-way, so here are some alternatives to the traditional bridal shower.

Actually, before I give this list, I want to preface it by saying — remember what the point is. Traditionally, I suspect it was for older women to give guidance and recipes and house maintenance tips to the younger bride. Now, I assume that it’s to get close females together to celebrate your engagement & upcoming marriage. Bear that in mind.

1. A day spa with your girlfriends. You get to spend time with the girls, gossiping and bonding – but you dont have the games. And you don’t need to ask for presents because their presence (and paying for their own spa day) is a gift in and of itself. (Note: Be aware of how much the spa day can cost!)
2. Wine tasting.
3. Dinner & a movie.
4. A day at the beach.
5. A sushi themed party. That’s right – make your own sushi, hang out, drink sake, and have a great time!
6. Wine tasting (suggestion: rent a bus or shuttle so no one has to drive!)

In term of gifts, be reasonable! Consider asking your friends not to give gifts or just give a piece of advice (in keeping with the tradition). If you’re looking to give something, try something to do or something that will truly be helpful, like a massage or a photo album.

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Gift Giving Etiquette

November 1, 2008

If you’re having trouble figuring out what to do about gift giving, here’s a guide for you to follow.

Timing: When do I send the gift?

Gifts can be sent as early as the wedding invitation arrives. Early, right?

The wedding has come and gone and you still haven’t sent a gift? No worries! Most resources say that you have one year after the wedding before you’re really out of etiquette code.  That said, one source says that you really only have three months — which may have more to do with you remembering to send the gift rather than the etiquette of gift giving!

Gifts & Cash: What should I give and how much should I spend?

All the good gifts from the registry are gone?! No problem! You are NOT obliged to give the couple something from the registry. In fact, we have some suggestions for alternatives to registry gifts. How much do you have to spend? Whatever your budget allows + how much you like the couple.

If you want (or the couple requests), you are permitted to give cash to the couple.  The amount? Whatever you’re comfortable with giving.  For cash gifts, check out these handy tips about the etiquette of cash gift giving.

Absence: If I can’t attend, do I still have to send something?

Contrary to popular belief, you are only obligated to send a congratulatory card if you can’t attend the wedding; you don’t have to send a gift. Despite this, many people feel obliged to send something — in part because it further shows your congratulations, support, happiness, and regret that you cannot attend.

Looking for more info on gift giving — either as the couple or as guests? Check out our other tips on gift giving. And hey, why not consider giving the gift of a free premium photo album?

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Best Man Gifts

September 21, 2008

What’s the scoop with best man gifts, any way? Do best men get more gifts than the other groomsmen? How do you pick out a gift for these guys, anyway?

photo from http://www.laraswansonphoto.com/blog/index.php/brit-mac-wedding-details/

First things first: best men should be given something either nicer (however slight) or different than the other groomsmen. This means it could be either an embellished version of the groomsmen gift or just the same gift in a different color — just ensuring that it stands out. After all, your best man is helping out with the wedding in ways that your groomsmen are not. This does NOT mean that you have to spend more; it only means you should ensure that your best man is recognized as being a best man (ie not just one of the groomsmen).

If you decide to give your best man somethign exceptionally nicer than the other gifts, be sensitive to the others and give the gift when the other groomsmen are not around.

Now that you know, how on earth do you pick out gifts?? Here are some ideas:

• picture frame
• something related to the best man’s hobbies (think baseball or golf)
• cuff links (perhaps personalized)
• money clip (again, perhaps personalized)
• an item he’s mentioned wanting but hasn’t purchased himself
• a nice tie (to wear at the wedding or just to have)

The key is to make sure it’s something that your best man will use — and not just collect dust.  If you’re having trouble picking out a gift, why not ask? You would ask for any other occasion, why make this different?

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